I Really Need to Know Too
by HughSoSexy
Summary: Sequel to my other fic 'I Really Need To Know'. Mostly Cal & Gillian, but will have a fair amount of Emily as well.
1. Chapter 1

A/N:

What you need to know about this fic:

1.) It's set directly after I Really Need To Know, another fic I wrote. You don't have to read it to understand what's going on here, but there may be the occasional reference that won't make sense if you haven't read it. That being said, I encourage you to read it anyway. : D

2.) You will find that, somewhere in this fic, I'm pulling at least one situation from an episode that happened a while ago in the show. I wanted to do something similar and figured, why mess with something that was already done so well? I'll include the episode title at the end of whatever chapter it falls in so you can go back and relive the drama with me if you like. Just pretend my timeline is correct. : p

3.) This might get a little freaky… Let's be honest, Cal's got some major sex appeal, and I doubt he's an angel in bed. So, you've been warned: This is/will be rated M for a good reason.

4.) This is going to be one hell of a ride. I have a lot in store: fights, romance, angst, fluff, sex, and moments that are guaranteed to make you go "awwww!" So, again, you've been warned…

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lie To Me.**

* * *

"Hey, Gillian," Emily said as she walked down the stairs, seeing her dad's girlfriend lounging on the couch with her feet propped on the table. "What are you looking at?"

"An ad for 85 West. Look at this outfit," she responded as Emily sat on the couch next to her.

"That's really cute," Emily replied while glancing at the ad. "Umm, maybe a little young though," she added, not sure how to tell Gillian she was way out of the age range for the purple graphic tee, long black pinstripe shorts, and knee-high black buckled boots.

Gillian laughed saying, "Not for me! For you."

"Oh!" Emily exclaimed, taking the ad from Gillian and giving it another look. "In that case, this is awesome. Those boots are amazing…" she trailed off as she practically drooled over the $200 boots.

"Maybe we'll go shopping," Gillian offered, thinking it would be nice to have some one-on-one time with her.

Emily smiled brightly at her, but before she could respond Cal walked into the room, looking suspiciously at the two of them. If there was one thing he'd learned in the week and a half since he and Gillian had begun this new aspect of their relationship, it was that Gillian and Emily together was a lethal combination.

"What're the two of you up to?" he asked skeptically.

"We were just talking about going shopping," Emily replied with excitement.

Dollar signs registered in his eyes as he imagined his daughter set loose in a clothing store with his credit card and only the supervision of Gillian, who loves her dresses and expensive shoes. And who was he kidding? He loved them too, but that was completely beside the point…

"I can only imagine the trouble the two of you'd get into together if you went shoppin'," he replied, clearly uneasy about the thought.

Emily handed the ad back to Gillian, rolled her eyes as she got up off the couch, and walked toward Cal saying, "You know you love us."

Seeing his face wash blank at her words she stammered, "I'm, uh, going back upstairs," and she ran up the stairs as quickly as possible, wanting to avoid the awkward situation she'd created.

Gillian had a small smile on her face with her eyebrows slightly raised in amusement. She glanced up from her ad at Cal who was trying very hard not to show any reaction to his daughter's words. She smiled wider and turned the page of the ad, looking over the next page and seeing another shirt she thought would look good on Emily.

Cal breathed a small sigh, walked over and sat on the couch next to her, putting his arm around her. She looked up at him wordlessly and just waited with expectation for what he had to say.

Failing to meet her eyes, he looked at the ad on her lap and lamely asked, "Anythin' good?"

Gillian looked back at the ad again while her face faded to disappointment as hints of amusement danced around the corners of her lips. She wasn't really expecting him to say it. He'd had plenty of opportunities since Christmas and hadn't taken one yet; but that didn't mean she couldn't hope.

She knew what she felt for him. She knew it was real and lasting, and she knew it ran deep; but she wasn't going to name it until he did. She'd made that mistake too many times in her life, and she wasn't going to make it again. Not when it was with him. She felt like one wrong move in that arena could put their whole relationship in a tailspin. _So why jeopardize something that's so good?_, she told herself.

Cal noticed the disappointment and clenched his jaw as he looked at her. _Not like that_, he thought.

It was moments like that, when he knew what she wanted but he failed to deliver, that made him feel like he didn't deserve her. It made him think of Burns' question to him after Cal had asked why he was in Gillian's life. Cal wanted to make sure it wasn't just for the sex, and Burns asked him, "You can't say the other word, can you?" Cal had ridiculously replied in a higher voice than normal, "Love…" as he gestured with his hands and somewhat nervously moved about. It sounded almost painful as it tumbled out of his mouth.

He knew it had to be right when he said it. The time had to be right, the surroundings had to be right. It couldn't just be a flippant, passing remark.

"Maybe," she finally responded to his question. "I like these boots for Emily, and she seems to like them too," she said as turned the page back so he could see them.

"Bloody hell, Gill! They're $200!" he exclaimed.

"I know, but every girl deserves to have one pair of expensive shoes," she said as she justified herself.

"Even when that girl is 17?" he asked.

"Especially when she's 17. She's in the throws of building a perfect wardrobe!" she countered as she glanced up at him. "I'll buy them, so don't worry about that. I just have to make sure I get the right size."

"You're gonna buy my daughter $200 boots?" he asked with a hint of surprise.

"Yeah, why not?" she asked as she looked up at him and held his gaze. Feeling unsure about the idea now and not at all liking the distancing, possessive language he'd used, she added, "Do you think it's a bad idea? Would she think it was…strange?"

"Nah, I think she'd love it," he replied. "Neither her mum nor I would ever spend that kinda money on her for shoes. She'll love havin' someone that spoils her."

Gillian furrowed her brow in thought as she looked back down at the boots. "I don't want her to like me because I spoil her. I don't want it to seem like I'm spoiling her at all," Gillian said as she started to re-think the purchase.

"She already likes you, love," he said as he pulled her to him. "Always has."

She looked back at him again and leaned her head on the couch, wondering what his daughter really thought of her. They'd had their share of interactions and honest conversations in the past, but she was sure their interactions weren't unique. Emily was in general a very friendly person, so it only followed logic that she'd had similar interactions with others.

Gillian hated that she overanalyzed the situation, but she knew if she ever wanted things with Cal to work, a good relationship with Emily was going to be very important; and she couldn't help wishing she had a closer relationship with her anyway. All the things she felt for Emily – pride when she accomplished something, protective when Cal was in some asinine situation, empathy when she was in the middle of a teenage crisis – they all left her with a very maternal feeling. And how could she not want a better relationship with the person who triggered that?

How in the world did you get closer to a teenager that was constantly running out of the house to go do something though? She found herself thinking how much easier this situation would be if she'd had a child of her own. Despite the fact that she'd been around for most of Emily's life, watching a child grow and being involved in their growth are two very different things. And certainly it would be easier if you'd been eased into this situation as the child grew, rather than jumping in head first when the teenage years were in full swing.

Seeing the concern and thought on Gillian's face, Cal leaned in, gave her a quick kiss and said, "You've got nothin' to worry about."

She bit her lip and gave him a small smile, so thankful for the unspoken portion of their relationship. He smiled back at her, and they both looked toward the front door when they heard Emily bounding down the stairs.

"I have to run to Anna's," she informed them. "I left my Stats book there. I'll be back!" she yelled over her shoulder as she exited the house, not waiting for any response. Then she popped her head back in and asked, "Are you going be here later, Gillian?"

She turned back toward the door and replied, "I think so."

"Ok, we'll talk about shopping later then," she said with a smile, and then she was out the door again.

Cal looked at Gillian again as his eyes told her, _See? Nothin' to worry about._

She smiled at him and re-focused on the ad.

###############

The next day, after checking what size shoes Emily wore, Gillian found herself at 85 West on her lunch break. She thought a lot about the boots, and decided they were way too cute not to get. And, since Emily had stayed at Anna's longer than she'd planned, they hadn't had time to talk about shopping. Gillian figured that was the perfect excuse to surprise Emily.

As she walked to the shoe section, a tall, muscular young man walked up to her and introduced himself. Gillian immediately noticed the contrast between his clear blue eyes and his jet black hair, something she'd always found incredibly attractive.

"Hi, I'm Steve," he said with a noticeably sexy, low voice as he looked over her purple, form-fitting dress. Then, looking back in her eyes, he asked, "Can I help you find something?"

Gillian could see he was all too eager to help her find whatever she wanted. Giving him a knowing smile she said, "I'm looking for a pair of black knee high boots with buckles," she said, deciding it would be faster if she just let him help her.

"The ones from the ad? Those are over here," he informed her as he led the way down another aisle. Reaching the boots he asked, "What size are you?"

She again laughed at the notion that anyone thought she would be wearing these boots and said, "Oh no, they're not for me. But I need a size 8."

Steve looked a little disappointed as he looked her up and down again and wondered what was underneath that amazing purple dress. "Really? You could totally pull these off," he flirted.

Giving him an amused and flattered look she asked, "How old are you, Steve?"

"Twenty-eight," he replied, and then asked as he casually leaned against the wooden shelves, "What's your name, gorgeous?"

She couldn't help smiling at that. While she had absolutely no interest in this guy she had to admit, being called gorgeous by someone that young and handsome, well that just felt good. "Gillian," she replied.

"Well, Gillian, I think you should consider getting yourself a pair of these boots. You'd be doing the world a favor," he said as he looked at her calves, causing her to shift her weight. "But," he continued as he once again looked back in her eyes, "Since you're getting them for someone else, I'd recommend a 7 ½. They tend to run a little big."

Gillian pursed her lips in thought and decided to stay with the 8's, figuring she could just exchange them if necessary. Steve walked her back to the front and checked her out, in all meanings of the phrase. As she walked out the door with her bag he said with a grin, "I'll see you when you come back for the 7 ½'s."

"Thank you, Steve," she called over her shoulder with a smile.

###############

Once she was back at the office, she tucked the boots away in a corner and sat down at her desk. Just then, Cal walked in.

"Where'd you disappear to?" he asked as he sat down across from her and propped his chin on his hand.

"I went shopping," she casually replied.

"You got the boots," he stated as more of a fact than the question.

"I did, and Emily was right – they _are_ amazing."

"Well they better be for that price," he said.

"Oh stop with the price!" she exclaimed. "When you buy a suit–" She stopped herself, thinking, _Cal doesn't wear suits…_ She then continued, rephrasing her thought, "If you were a man who bought suits, you wouldn't buy a cheap one, would you?" Realizing this line of logic still held a huge flaw for the person she was talking to, she quickly added without giving him a chance to respond, "The same thing goes for shoes!"

He looked at her, wanting to tell her just how faulty her logic was, but appreciating that she was trying to make a connection with Emily beyond what they already had. He got up, walked around her desk, and kissed her on the on top of her head before walking toward the door.

Just as he was about to walk out she playfully said, "I might go back and look at some shoes for myself." Cal stopped at the door and turned around to face her as she continued, "There's a very helpful salesman named Steve that seemed all too interested to get me in a pair of those boots." She licked her lips as she looked at him and tried like hell to fight the smile playing at the corners of her lips. She failed miserably, but she still got the desired reaction: jealousy.

He narrowed his eyes at her and stepped back in her office, looking over at the couch before re-focusing on her. "Oh yeah?" he asked, jealousy saturating his words.

"Mmm hmm," she replied as she nodded and smiled sweetly at him.

Knowing what she was after, he flatly said, "Alright," and turned to walk out the door again.

She smiled at him as he walked away and then focused back on her work thinking, _I should really take Cal with me next time._

* * *

A/N: This is not the scene I was talking about in my A/N above, but the Cal/Burns exchange I referenced was from Exposed.

Hope you like it so far, and R&R if you feel like it. : )


	2. Chapter 2

gidget89 - Don't give up on me... It's not headed where you think it is, I swear!

LightWoman - Your review kind of inspired a couple lines in this first part.

Dr. Callian - ::sigh:: I think you're still not going to be crazy about it, but this is a vehicle for getting us to where I want us to go. So hang with me a little longer.

Everyone else - Thank you for all the reviews. I was very pleasantly surprised!

* * *

Chapter 2

As Cal sat down in his office, feeling incredibly annoyed, he started to think about Gillian's last comments.

_Steve. What a stupid name. You're sure to be a plonker with a name like that. And workin' in a clothin' store! Probably just does it to pick up women…_

His mind wandered to Gillian's purple dress and he inwardly growled at the thought of some guy looking _his_ Gillian up and down. He knew men admired her, and admittedly so did some women; but somehow it was worse when she knew it too, and doubly worse when she told him about it.

He'd never verbally admit it, he'd barely silently acknowledged it, but he was terrified of losing her. He knew she could do better than him, and now that he had all of her, he couldn't bear the thought of losing what they had. And while that wasn't what Gillian was trying to stir up in him, that was definitely the result she'd gotten.

Feeling his stomach flip, he quickly swallowed back his emotions and focused on his computer.

###############

Later that afternoon as she was walking to the lab, Gillian saw Cal walking toward her in the hallway. Just as he was about to walk past without acknowledging her, she grabbed his arm, stopping him so she could get his attention. Looking at him for a moment and noticing something was slightly off, she asked, "Everything ok?" as she ran her hand up and then back down his bicep.

Seeing her survey him, he raised his eyebrows quickly and replied, "Oh yeah. Peachy."

She bit the inside of her cheek, wondering if this had to do with her teasing him earlier.

"Ok," she said, not wanting to push the issue. She centered herself in front of him, taking one lapel of his jacket in each hand and said, "I'm going to take off a little early so I can make sure those boots fit Emily. The store closes kind of early and I want to be able to exchange them today if they don't fit."

When he only replied with a strange sort of look that was somewhere between annoyance and disappointment, Gillian straightened up a bit as she thought, _Cal Lightman… You're worried. And you should know better than that. _She then took his chin in one hand and planted a kiss on his lips saying, "I'll see you at your place."

She wiped the lipstick off his lips before she walked off toward the lab, leaving Cal standing on his spot and feeling like a bit of a plonker himself.

###############

A short while later, Gillian left work and headed to Cal's, knowing Emily would already be home from school. She let herself in and walked upstairs, setting the boots down outside her bedroom door before knocking lightly.

"Come in," Emily called.

"Hey!" Gillian greeted with a smile. "Doing homework?" she asked, observing that Emily was lying on her bed with an open textbook in front of her.

"Yeah," Emily said. "I have a big test coming up. I have a study group tonight too. Just getting a jump on it." Then, glancing at the clock and seeing it was only 4, she added, "You're home early."

Gillian's lips involuntarily curled into a smile and her eyes sparkled, something Emily had been noticing in her a lot lately; and Gillian felt instantly warm, despite having just come in from the cold outside. Emily could have said any number of things: "You're here early," or "Did the office close early?", but she'd said, "You're _home_ early," and those words warmed Gillian's heart. Emily had such an amazing way of making her feel like she belonged, like she should have always been a part of their family.

Emily just smiled back at her knowingly, waiting to see what she had to say.

Finally speaking Gillian said, "I have something for you." Ducking back in the hallway, she picked up the box and smiled as she set it next to Emily on the bed.

Knowing it was a shoe box – a very big shoe box – she sat up and looked wide-eyed at Gillian.

"Open it!" Gillian encouraged her.

Hesitating for a moment and then flipping the top open, Emily said, "Oh my gosh, Gillian! You got them!" She pulled the boots out of the box and quickly put them on, walking over to her mirror to check them out. Thinking they looked pretty bad ass, she turned around to model them for Gillian, saying, "What do you think?"

"I think they're very cute on you," Gillian replied with a grin at seeing how excited Emily was. "Are they too big? I checked your size, but the guy at the store said they run a little big."

"Mmm, maybe…" she said as she moved her feet around and fidgeted with the boots. "Probably like a half size."

Gillian pursed her lips. "Steve was right," she said.

"Steve?" Emily asked confused, furrowing her brow.

"The guy at the store," Gillian explained. She then stood up and added, "Let's go exchange them!"

"Now?" Emily asked while still standing in her boots.

"Sure! Then you can wear them tomorrow if you want," Gillian replied.

Emily looked down at the boots, thinking it would be really cool to wear them tomorrow. Then, feeling suddenly guilty, she quietly said, "You really didn't have to do this, Gillian."

"I know," she replied while looking in her eyes, "I wanted to." The sincerity in Gillian's words left Emily thinking how incredibly warmhearted and loving she was.

Giving her a lop-sided smile so much like her dad's, Emily said, "Ok, let's go."

###############

"Gillian!" she heard the distinctly sexy voice call when they walked in. "Let me guess – you're back for the 7 ½'s."

"I hate to admit it, but you were right," she replied, knowing all too well that she was reluctantly inflating Steve's ego.

Emily's eyes went wide as she watched the stranger look Gillian up and down several times. She cleared her throat and looked at Gillian.

Gillian looked at the girl who was standing by her side and said, "Emily, this is Steve. He helped me with your boots and told me they would be too big. I should have listened to him, but instead here we are to exchange them. Steve, this is Emily," she said as she finished introducing the pair.

"I see," Emily said giving Gillian an unbelieving look at how forward Steve was being with his looking at her.

"I know," Gillian quietly said to her, indicating she was well aware of the fact that Steve was undressing her with his eyes. Looking at Steve again she said, "So can we exchange these, please?"

"Of course! Let's just try them on to make sure they fit this time. Right this way," he said as he walked back to the boots.

"Oh my gosh!" Emily whispered to Gillian in disbelief.

"I know," she repeated herself as she motioned for Emily to follow him.

Once they found a pair of boots that fit Emily just right, Steve asked, "Anything for you, Gillian? I know you're not into the boots, but maybe some heels?" He licked his lips as he slowly dragged his eyes over her calves again. "These would look amazing on you," he said as he picked up a pair of red high heels.

Emily's mouth dropped open in disgust just before she put her game face on and said, "Yeah, Dad would love those."

Gillian smiled widely at her and replied with a slight laugh, "Yes, I think he would."

"Uh…she's…so you're… Is she your daughter?" he stammered, finally forming a complete sentence with a dumbfounded look on his face as he double-checked to see Gillian wasn't wearing a wedding ring.

Emily jumped right in, "She's dating my dad, and he would really, _really_ love those shoes."

Steve looked from Emily to Gillian, who shrugged one shoulder and had an amused look on her face.

"Well," he said, gathering himself, "That's a shame. I'll wait for you at the check-out." He looked completely disappointed as he walked away.

"I can't believe that guy!" Emily said once he was out of ear-shot. "Could he have made his intentions any more clear?"

"To be fair," Gillian said as she looked at the red heels on the shelf, "it's not like it's obvious that I'm in a relationship – there's no ring on my finger and no man at my side. And once he found out, he walked away."

"That's true," Emily agreed, still looking slightly shocked. "And he's cute."

"Really cute," Gillian said as she nodded.

"Cuter than Dad," Emily said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Mm, I'm not sure about that," she disagreed as she thought about Cal's hazel eyes that always seemed to be changing color, and his sandy hair, and his biceps, and his tattoos, and his scruff that he pulls off so well, and his...

"But he is definitely a lot taller."

Being pulled from her thoughts, Gillian looked up at Steve across the store and said, "He is a lot taller." Then, looking back at Emily, she added, "But height doesn't matter to me."

Emily shrugged and said, "I just can't wait to tell him about this when we get home."

Gillian half-smiled to herself, a little worried at how Cal would react to a second mention of Steve, and hoping that he was at least out of his funk from the first mention.

After they checked out, only exchanging the boots for a smaller size, Steve called to her again as she walked away, "You know where you find me if you ever suddenly become single. I see there's no ring on that finger!" He said the second statement more loudly, and Gillian smoothly turned on her heel and continued walking backwards as she gave him a smile and said, "Good bye, Steve." She then turned on her heel again, walking along side Emily and facing forward.

Once they were in the parking lot Gillian stated with a note of humor, "I sure hope you really like those boots."

Emily laughed saying, "I bet that happens to you all the time."

"Not quite," Gillian responded as she got in the car. "Men aren't generally _that_ forward with me."

"You mean besides my dad," Emily joked.

Gillian smiled in acknowledgement and said, "Well, he doesn't count."

"Why not?" Emily inquired. "Because you're dating him now or because he's been doing it for years?"

Gillian laughed saying, "Both." She then added in an effort to change the direction of the discussion, "Besides, better me than you. I might have had to use your boots as a weapon."

Emily smiled to herself and jokingly said, "Wow, violence. I bring out the best in you."

Gillian simply smirked at her, leaving Emily to look out the window as they started the drive back home, thinking how lucky she was that her dad finally pulled it together with Gillian. Ultimately, she only wanted her dad to be happy, and she always knew that Gillian was the missing piece; but the more time she spent with her, the more she started to think Gillian was something she needed too.

* * *

Hang on to your hats kids, the next chapter will most definitely require an updated rating. That's right - _smutastic times ahead!_


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I feel like it's been forever since I updated this. Sorry if you feel that way too. However, you will notice the updated rating for this fic... ; )

* * *

When Gillian and Emily arrived back home and walked in the door, Cal asked, "Gotta pair that fit?"

"Yes, Steve was very helpful," Emily said playfully as she glanced at Gillian.

"Steve?" Cal asked in disbelief as he looked at Gillian who simply shrugged at him with an innocent, apologetic look. She had, after all, no idea that Steve would still be there.

"Yeah, _Steve_," Emily said with emphasis. "You've got some competition, Dad."

"Is that right?" he asked with his brow knit as he turned his gaze to his daughter, not at all liking that Gillian had had a second run-in with the plonker.

"Without a doubt," Emily stated confidently. "You should have seen the way this guy was looking at her! It was…" she trailed off, trying to think of a word strong enough to convey to her dad what he was dealing with. "Ravenous," she finished.

He scrunched up his face at her and said, "Bloody hell, Em!"

"I'm just telling it like is and warning you – there are guys out there who would date her in a second." Turning to Gillian, she gave her a hug as she said, "Thank you again for the boots. I really love them, and I can't wait to wear them tomorrow."

Gillian happily hugged Emily back saying, "You're so welcome. I'm just glad we got to spend some time together. That was fun."

"I'm sure it was," Cal interjected while looking at her with a slightly annoyed look on his face, the jealously clearly flaring up again.

Gillian gave him an indignant look, and Emily rolled her eyes. She then said, "Yeah it was. We should do that again. Maybe a girls' night out to the movies or something."

"That would be great," Gillian replied with a wide, genuine smile, surprised at Emily's enthusiasm and excited that she wanted to spend time with her.

"That's my ride," Emily suddenly said as she dashed upstairs when she heard a horn from the driveway.

Gillian took a deep breath, happy that she'd managed to have a complete interaction with Emily before she'd run out the door again.

"Ride for what?" Cal called after her, trying to distract himself from the hollow pit stewing in his stomach.

"Study group. Remember?" she asked as she came back down with her book in hand. "I told you this morning. I'll be back around 10." She gave her dad a kiss on the cheek which he returned, and she said good bye to Gillian once more before heading out to the waiting car.

Cal stepped up to the door to close it behind her and stood there silently watching as Emily climbed in the car and it drove away.

When he was sure she was gone, he turned to look at Gillian with a suspicious look in his eye and said, "So. Steve."

Amused that he was still stuck on this and loving that he was actually jealous, she replied, "Yes, Steve. He tried to get me in a pair of red heels this time."

"No doubt telling you how sexy they'd make your legs look," he said as he walked toward her with _that _look in his eyes; that predatory, overprotective, 'You are mine' look that she so loved. It made her feel alive and reminded her just how much he wanted her. He didn't stop walking toward her until he was within a couple feet of her, causing her heart to beat faster with excitement.

"He didn't use the word 'sexy,' but he did say they would look amazing on me," she said while looking in his eyes, knowing it would fuel the fire.

He walked toward her with such force that she backed away until she found the wall behind her, laying her hands flat against it. She could feel her pupils dilate and her heart begin to pound with anticipation as he walked to within inches of her, daring her, "Tell me about Steve." He tipped his head to the side and his lip twitched, threatening to curl into a smile as he examined her face in detail, noticing the enjoyment hidden in her features.

"Well," she said, licking her lips and pulling her hands from the wall, playing it cool despite her growing arousal at their game, "He's muscular, he has a low sexy voice, and he's tall. Oh, and he's twenty-eight."

Cal took another step toward her at hearing his age, leaving the smallest gap possible between them, but still not touching her as his annoyance that some _young_ bloke was making passes at what was his continued to bubble inside him.

"Emily thought he was cuter than you," she daringly added, knowing this was all foreplay.

"Oh yeah? And what do you think?" he asked, fire blazing through his body as he tipped his head to the other side, surveying her cool demeanor, only her pupils giving her away.

"I think he's young and probably has a lot of stamina," she said teasing him, knowing all too well he was measuring himself against this guy he'd never met. He narrowed his eyes at her and before he could speak she added, "But he seems a little too…sweet for me," she said, digging deeper into their game and watching his eyes float all over her face as she leaned her head against the wall.

"You like bad boys?" he asked in a low, sultry voice, dragging his eyes down her body and making a show of checking her out.

"Mmm," she purred at his tone, aching for him to touch her. "He does have an incredibly sexy voice, but your accent cancels out anything he might have on you," she stated, desire now dripping off her words as she practically begged to him to say something else so she could hear it.

"Is that right?" he asked, laying on his accent thicker than usual, and inching even closer to her if that were possible, but still not touching her.

"Oh yes," she replied, begging him with her eyes to touch her.

"It even cancels out his height?" he asked, focusing his sights on her neck as he licked his lips.

"Especially his height," she said, tipping her chin up as she watched his gaze fall. "I love how tall you are."

Finally deciding if he wasn't going to touch her, she was going to touch him. She raised her hand to touch his arm, shoulder, face, or whatever else she could; but as soon as she moved, Cal grabbed her wrist and brought it above her head, pinning it to the wall and pressing his body against hers in the process, causing her to gasp.

She bit her lip at finally feeling him against her and suddenly leaned into him, kissing his neck, causing him to tighten his hold on her wrist and bring his other hand to her hip, pressing her further into the wall as he felt something below his waistline start to stir. He inhaled sharply when she lightly bit him, and he quickly placed both hands on her hips, pulled her from the wall, turned her around, and pressed her firmly into another wall.

Gillian's eyes further dilated as she sunk into the new wall and stood very still. She smirked at him, filing away the information she'd received, and just stood there understanding that he wanted to be in control. Maybe he wanted the control to prove he was just as good as any twenty-eight year old. Maybe it was the jealousy. Maybe it was both. She wasn't sure what made him act like this, but she was sure about one thing. She liked it.

As she waited for his next move, she watched him inhale a deep breath, hold it for a moment, and then slowly let it back out, re-focusing on her.

"Good?" she asked teasingly, inquiring if he was ready to continue.

"You have no idea," he responded as he stepped to her again. He placed his hands over her shirt and slid them up her ribcage, skirting around her breasts and continuing up her arms, raising them over her head and holding them there with one hand, causing her breathing to increase with excitement. Lowering his other hand back to her waist, he slid his hand inside her shirt, up her stomach, and to the edge of her bra. His hand followed the band around her body until he found her spine, running a finger down and back up causing her to shiver and her eyes to roll back as she felt her entire body tingle.

Looking at her face, he saw she had her eyes closed. He leaned in to kiss her lips, demanding entrance with his tongue. She all too eagerly obliged, fighting with him for dominance. Enjoying the fight she was putting up, he ran his free hand up the front of her body, over the swell of her breasts, across her chest and up to her throat. Pulling apart, he wrapped his fingers in her hair and trailed kisses down her throat and over her chest as far as her shirt would allow.

Not being able to go any further, he pulled his head back up and slipped a finger in the band of her pants to feel the top of her underwear. He let go of her wrists, finally relinquishing his hold on her, and grabbed the other side of her pants, sliding them down her legs as he squatted in front of her, helping her to step out of them.

He looked up at her, standing front of him in her shirt that was just long enough to cover her panties, and he gave her a very pleased smiled, leading her to grab the collar of his shirt to stand him up. Once he was standing, she wrapped her arms around his neck. He grabbed her thighs and picked her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist and he started up the stairs to the bedroom.

"You seem quite partial to the bed," she murmured against his cheek and she planted kisses there.

"Couch wouldn't do for this one, love," he replied.

"The floor is plenty big," she suggested, squeezing her legs around him.

He pulled his head back to look at her, smiling at the full-blown desire coloring her features. "So it is," he said amused. "Next time, you pick the spot."

When they entered the bedroom, he headed straight for the bed and laid her down, stopping for a moment to take in the sight as he stood back up.

Feeling impatient, Gillian sat back up and knelt in front of him, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it over his head. As she threw it on the floor, she traced the tattoo on his bicep with one finger before running her hand over it. He watched her face as she examined the ink on his arm, fascinated by her interest.

Once she was finished looking at it, she extended her body up as far as her posture would allow, wrapped her arms around his neck again, and pulled him down with her as she landed on her back with him next to her. Laughing, he propped himself up on one elbow and slipped a hand in her shirt again, searching out the flesh of her stomach. In doing so, he exposed her side, revealing her turquoise string bikini panties that hugged her body.

"Oh. My. God," he said when he saw the skimpy fabric. He instantly forgot about her stomach and slid his finger under the string that lay so perfectly across her hip. Wanting a better view, he reached for the other side of her shirt and pushed it up as well.

She smiled amused at the attention he was giving her panties. She had assumed, of course, that he'd be more interested in what was underneath. She eventually propped herself up on her elbows, wondering how long he was going to admire the turquoise fabric. When she did he grabbed her shirt with one hand, slid his other arm around her back to sit her up, and pulled it over her head before she knew what was going on.

She was surprised at the sudden flash of movement and even more surprised to find herself now in only her underwear.

"Fair is fair," he said to her shocked look. "You took mine off."

"True," she replied. "But I also no longer have any pants on."

Giving her a shit-eating grin, he lunged at her causing her to fall back on the bed to avoid a collision. He landed half on her with a knee between her legs, and she playfully punched his chest and grinned at him, until he once again ran his hand up her side, this time not skirting around her breasts but running his hand up over them and to her throat, gently wrapping his hand around it. Tipping his hand upward, he cupped her chin and turned her face away from him. His eyes focused on her chest as it began rising and falling quickly with anticipation. He nudged her ear with his nose and trailed a line of kisses all the way down her neck, over her collar bone, and down her chest, all the while playing with the string on her hip again, pulling at it and sliding it down so he could touch her hip uninhibited. As soon as he moved his hand though, it snapped back into place. He huffed his disapproval and she giggled at him as he looked displeased at her panties.

Grabbing his face, she pulled him to her and crashed her lips against his, slipping her tongue in his mouth and earning an approving groan from him. Wrapping her legs around his hips so he couldn't get away she slid her hands between them and unbuttoned his pants, reaching for his erection that was still inside his boxers. He groaned at the pleasure he felt as she applied just the right amount of pressure to his now throbbing cock.

Knowing he was no longer concentrating, she used her legs to flip him over to his back so she was sitting atop him, straddling his hips. Before he knew what had happened, she ground her hips into him and he groaned again, this time even louder. She smiled down at him and ran her fingers down his torso, enjoying seeing him below her.

He reached around her and smoothly unclasped her bra, pulling it from her and throwing it to the floor. He put an arm around her as he sat up, and leaned down to kiss her breasts, taking each nipple in his mouth and sucking lightly, earning muffled moans and incomprehensible words from her and causing her blood to run like lava boiling over a volcano. When he was finished, he dragged his tongue over her second nipple as he pulled his face away.

Seeing her flushed face and chest, he spun her around and laid her at the edge of the bed, standing up to rid himself of his pants and boxers. After kicking them off his feet, he grabbed her panties and swiftly pulled them from her body, leaving both of them naked.

He laid a hand inside her thigh and slid it upward as he looked in her eyes, smirking at her. She bit her lip and fought back a smile. When he reached her entrance, there was no hesitation. He gently slid a finger in, knowing she was ready for him. As he did so, she moaned a low, "Oohhh," that was replaced by a sigh when he withdrew his finger from her before running it up and down her folds and diving back in with two fingers.

She drew her legs up at the unexpected result and he caught one knee, pinning it between her body and his chest, opening her legs wider so he could dive in further.

She gave him an approving look as her eyes darkened so much the blue disappeared, spurring him on. He started pumping in and out of her, placing his thumb on her clit and rubbing circles over it as she began to squirm as much as possible with the hold he had on her.

She found herself holding her breath and needing to remind herself to breathe as she wrapped her fists in the sheets, inching closer with every thrust of his hand and movement of his thumb. Getting closer and closer, she threw her head back into the bed until she tumbled over the edge, letting out a loud moan as the surge coursed through her body.

Feeling her entire body tense up as her orgasm overtook her, he slowed his movements and waited for her to be still before removing his fingers from her.

Pulling himself up to look at her face while keeping her knee between them, he raised his eyebrows at her as if to say, 'How's that for 'bad boy'?' She smiled at him and couldn't help raising her hips to him as she felt his cock rubbing against her entrance.

Seeing she was all too eager to go again, he slid himself in her, then pulled them both to the edge of the bed. Releasing the bottom of her leg, he put her knee up over his shoulder as he crouched toward her over the bed, placing one hand on either side of her shoulders.

She arched her back, feeling how much deeper he was in this position. He turned his head to kiss the inside of her leg and started thrusting inside her, slowly at first as he watched the sensation of their new position wash over her face. He took his opposite hand and ran it up her leg as it lay against his chest, bracing himself with it for more leverage and driving deeper and deeper into her.

She was having a hard time keeping her eyes open, until he hit _that_ spot. Her eyes shot open, she gasped and started repeating, "Yes, yes, don't stop, yes…"

He continued his movements, inching closer and closer to his own release with each word that crossed her lips, the sound of her voice begging him not to stop being enough to make him come. Feeling he was almost there, he leaned on the bed with both arms and began thrusting even harder, causing her to scream his name as she reached climax for the second time. Hearing his name did him in, and he spilled himself into her, moaning as he did so.

After she'd come down from her high, Gillian ran her calf along the side of his face, causing him to look up at her and smile, looking utterly exhausted. He gently pulled her leg from his shoulder and withdrew himself from her, landing next to her on the bed as he collapsed.

"Cal?" she asked, closing her eyes and letting the pleasure sink in.

"Mmm?" he grunted, feeling too tired to form a coherent word.

"There's nothing wrong with your stamina," she panted, still trying to catch her breath.

Cal smiled, turning to look at her. She opened her eyes to look at him, returning his smile with one of her own as she ran a hand over his cheek.

"You were worried though, weren't you?" she inquired.

"I never worry, love," he stated flatly while closing his eyes.

"Now that's a lie if I've ever heard one before," she countered.

He only responded by opening one eye to look at her for a brief moment.

"Even if you weren't worried, you were jealous. And I have to say, green looks really good on you," she said with a smirk as she watched his face. Not receiving a response or reaction, she put her lips by his ear and murmured, "Nothing looks really good on you too."

Hearing how close she was, he quickly wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into him saying, "You know what looks really good on you?"

"What?" she asked, just inches from him face.

"Me," he said as he flipped her over him so he landed on top of her.

"Touché," she replied while he smirked at her.

Reaching up to him, she gave him a slow, sweet kiss that left her stomach feeling like it was the first time. She bit her lip as she looked up at him while she ran her hands over his back, and she watched him smile back at her. She really just wished he would name this thing already. She was growing tired of not being able to tell him exactly how she felt; but every time she told herself it was ok for _her_ to name it first, something else inside her told her not to, told her to just wait.

"Everythin' alright, darlin'?" he inquired at the far off look in her eye.

"Yes," she lied with a smile as she pulled him into her for a hug, "Everything is fine."

Not feeling convinced and not liking that she blocked his view of her, he buried his face in her neck and willed away the ball of worry forming in his stomach. He rolled off her and pulled her back into his chest as they lay on their sides. He suddenly had the urge to be as close to her as possible, like maybe if he just held her really close nothing bad would happen. Maybe if he held her close enough the worry would go away. Maybe.

* * *

Hold on to your hats kids. We're in for a bumpy ride...


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I cannot apologize enough for how long you've all waited for this update. Time got away from me and I was shocked when I saw the last date I updated! Also, many of you are worried about this 'bumpy ride' I referenced at the end of the last chapter. All I can tell you is this - I would never end this story on a bad note. What happens between now and the end is totally up for grabs! Lastly, forgive any mistakes, and be warned - there's a bit of language toward the end.

* * *

Sometimes you just know when it's time to leave. The air feels heavy and thick, the silence is deafening and uncomfortable, and something inside you starts screaming for you to aim yourself at the door and just _move_. So that's what she did.

After lying in bed together for a while, she sat up and said, "I should get going," as she reached for a blanket to wrap around herself. She stood and began collecting her clothes that were in the bedroom. She was about to head downstairs to get the rest when he spoke.

"Why don't you stay?"

She stopped in the doorway with her back to him, the blanket draping low on her back before she resituated it around her shoulders, almost as if she were hiding herself.

The question hung in the air as static snapped around it, allowing it to resonate. His voice was full of question and need, and he sounded hurt.

Turning toward him and clasping the blanket in front of her with her hands she said, "I don't have anything to wear tomorrow."

Giving her a smirk he stated, "That's never stopped you before. Don't you have clothes at the office?"

Pulling the blanket tighter she said, "I think in the last few weeks I've walked into the office in the same clothes from the day before enough times. And no, I don't have any clothes there right now. So I'd have to get up early. I'll just head home tonight." When he didn't respond, she turned and headed downstairs, finding her pants on the floor by the wall.

As he sat in bed alone, Cal started to wonder what made a moment perfect. Did it have to involve low lighting, romantic music, and roses? Certainly not, at least not for him. He scrunched up his face at the thought of himself professing his love over a small round table donning a white table cloth with roses in the middle and a violinist standing by. _Certainly not_, he thought again to himself. His mind drifted to a picnic on a sunny day with chocolate covered strawberries, birds chirping and butterflies drifting by. He shook his head and thought, _No…_

Wasn't it really who you were with that made a moment perfect? By that definition, he could count at least a dozen perfect moments, a dozen missed opportunities, a dozen times he could have made her happy that he didn't. Not only that, but a dozen times he could have freed his heart of its secret. He'd kept it so long, held it so close, that he was terrified to let it go. He knew it was irrational – he could see in her eyes she felt the same way; but he'd spent so much time using women, who admittedly were all too happy to be used, that he wasn't entirely sure how to love one, even if, or maybe especially if, that woman was Gillian.

Seeing him deep in thought, Gillian watched him for a moment, eyeing his naked torso and thinking she should just crawl back in bed with him. Seeing him clench his jaw as he drew his eyebrows together slightly, she finally spoke.

"I'm going to head out."

He looked over to find her fully dressed and dropped his gaze to the bed and floor, searching for something to put on. Walking in the room, she grabbed him a pair of boxers and pajama pants from his dresser and threw them at him with a smile.

"Thanks," he muttered as he stood and slipped them on. "You sure you won't stay?"

Grabbing him by the arm and pulling him into a hug she said, "I'm sure." She then pulled away, keeping her arms around his neck, and said, "But I'll bring more clothes to the office tomorrow."

He gave her a slight smile, sadness still covering his face. She gave his lips a sweet kiss, and his nose an Eskimo kiss.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she said as she broke away from him and walked out the bedroom door.

He followed her downstairs and just before she walked out the door he said, "Gill."

She turned looking at him expectantly, waiting for what he had to say.

"See you in the mornin'."

She nodded at him and walked out into the cold night air.

###############

Over the next several days, Cal and Gillian struggled to get anything right. He was out working on a case when she had a free moment, she was on the phone when he had a free moment, someone would walk in the room when they both had a free moment. She would say, "Just one minute," and he would get irritated that whatever she was working on was more important than him. She would approach his office to find that he dismissed every attempt she made to get close to him. Emily would come home when they were finally on the same page.

They were both left feeling aggravated, frustrated, and hollow. Gillian knew they would have patches like this, but she didn't think it would be in the first month. She ached to just have a conversation with him. As each day passed she felt like there was a chasm between them, and the edges were eroding much too quickly. She only wanted to get to the other side so they could at least back away from the edge together.

Cal wasn't sure what he thought, he just knew he was getting angry that nothing seemed to work out for them. He then ended up taking that anger out on her because he didn't have a better outlet. He knew it was wrong and he knew it was making things worse, but he didn't know where else to direct his energy. He could feel his exasperation rising, and he knew from past experience that was bad. He was about to do something stupid, he could feel it.

###############

As soon as Gillian woke up, she knew it was going to be a bad day.

_Maybe not a bad day,_ she thought. _But it definitely feels like it's going to be an off day._

She convinced herself that if nothing else, it was worth getting out of bed so she could see Cal. So she rolled out of bed and headed for the bathroom. After turning on the shower so it could get warm, she looked in the mirror at herself and started thinking. Actually, she started feeling…

She felt the tension in her shoulders. _Probably from all the fighting_, she thought. She felt pressure in her temples. _Probably from the fight that's sure to come today,_ she told herself. She felt a dull pain in her chest at her last thought, and her face pulled into a wince. Covering her heart, she felt how heavy her hand seemed. She then noticed that she had no energy.

It took everything in her to walk toward the shower. Climbing in, she tried to clear her mind so she could just get on with her day and get to work.

###############

Walking into work, Gillian glanced at the clock to see she was due in the Cube in half an hour. The police were bringing in a suspect for an assault and battery case. For whatever reason, Cal wanted him on their turf instead of at the jail.

After dropping off her things, she headed to Cal's office to say good morning. What she found was a dark, empty room. She double-checked the time and found they now had twenty minutes to be in the Cube. Sighing audibly, she reminded herself that he'd cut it closer than this in the past, and headed back to her office to wait for him to arrive.

A short while later, Torres knocked on her door, peeking her head in and saying, "Branch is in the Cube for you."

Looking up Gillian asked, "Have you seen Cal?"

Shaking her head, Torres responded, "No. I don't think he's here yet. Do you want me to stall?"

Gillian responded with a confident, "No." She stood and walked toward her door, following Torres back to the lab.

When they walked in, Paul Branch was sitting in the Cube with an officer standing in the opposite corner. The man was tall and lanky, pale-skinned with dark brown eyes that could only be described as ominous. Gillian swallowed, hoping Cal would walk in very soon.

Another officer standing nearby asked, "Where's Dr. Lightman? He's the one that demanded we bring Branch here."

"I'm sure he'll be here soon, but we can get started now," Gillian replied, seeing the officer wasn't happy to be waiting around.

"I don't know if you want to do that, Dr. Foster," the officer told her.

"I'm well aware of the details of this case, Officer Monroe," she said glancing at his badge and knowing full-well that all of Branch's victims had been women. "There's an officer inside and as I said, I'm sure Dr. Lightman will be here very soon."

Monroe stepped aside so Gillian could enter the cube. She opened the door, and as she closed it behind her she didn't miss Branch's apparent delight that she was the only one joining him and his babysitter in the Cube.

"What's your name, lovely? You're a lot prettier than Dr. Lightman," he said.

Loker, who was at his typical station, looked over at Torres, signaling that he did not like Gillian's plan of going in there alone. Knowing better than to question her however, especially in front of someone outside the company, he kept his mouth shut and his feet at the ready, just incase.

Several minutes into Gillian's questioning of Paul Branch, Loker's breathing stopped and he sat straighter in his chair, extremely attentive to the rabbit trail Branch was taking Gillian down.

"What?" Torres asked, worried by Loker's sudden change in posture and the alarm that washed over his face.

"It's his pattern," he said quickly with fear as he started to stand up and head for the door to the Cube.

"What?" Torres asked again.

"It's his pattern! He gets them talking about their past and then he makes his move!" His voice was frantic even as he had a hard time believing Branch would try anything with an officer a few steps away.

"Why are you asking about my divorce? And how did you even know I was married?" Gillian asked, growing suspicious at Branch's questions.

Just then, Loker threw the door to the Cube open, drawing Gillian's eyes to her left. With her concentration broken and her attention elsewhere, Branch seized his opportunity. He lunged across the table, knocking Gillian's chair backward with her still in it, and placing his hand firmly over her bicep, squeezing as hard as he could as he pushed down on her with all his weight.

Crying out in pain as she hit the ground, Gillian started flailing and shoving him as best she could to get free from his grip. Within seconds the officer was across the room, pulling Branch off Gillian, and Loker was helping Gillian to stand back up as she brought her hand to her hurting bicep.

"Will you get him under control?" Loker demanded as he escorted Gillian out to the lab. She winced when she bumped into the doorframe, causing her hand to press on her arm more than she'd like.

"We got what we needed. Get him the hell out of here," Gillian instructed Monroe who was waiting outside the Cube. She quickly left the lab before he could issue her any kind of 'I told you so' comments or looks.

Walking out after her, Torres called, "Are you ok? Do you need some ice?"

"I'm fine. Thank you. I'm just going to go to my office and collect myself," Gillian informed her flatly.

Inside, she was fuming. She was mad at herself for not seeing it coming. She was mad at Loker for opening the door and distracting her, even though she knew he saw it coming and was trying to help. But most of all, she was mad at Cal for not being there with her like he was supposed to be. _Where is he?_

She looked down at her left bicep to see a bright red handprint circling around her arm. It stung to the touch, and she started to wonder how long it was going to last. It was then she noticed her pounding headache from hitting the floor, and her eyes welled up a little.

After a few minutes, she put on a sweater and walked back to the lab, finding only Loker and Torres there.

"Did they leave?" she asked them.

"Yeah," Torres simply responded.

"Good. Thank you for taking care of that. I'm sorry I left you both to deal with it," she apologized.

"We've taken care of suspects before," Loker told her. "How's the arm?"

"It hurts," she said flatly.

"I'm sorry. I was trying to help and I made it worse," he told her. She could see he felt bad about what happened.

"This isn't your fault, Eli. If I had been more focused, I would have seen it coming. And if Cal had been here, he certainly would have seen it coming, and it might have never happened in the first place," she told them with a little more anger than she'd wanted.

Neither of them spoke. It was clear Gillian was blaming Cal for what had happened, and while they weren't sure that was right, they weren't about to direct the line of fire back at themselves.

Feeling she'd already said too much, Gillian simply turned on her heel and went back to her office to fill out some paperwork on the interview.

An hour later, Gillian looked up towards her door as she heard the unmistakable sound of Cal sauntering down the hallway. She bit the insides of her cheeks, trying to find the right emotion and words to lead with.

When Cal got her to doorway, he felt the urge to turn around and leave immediately. The look on her face told him something very bad had happened, and it was his fault.

"Who died?" he asked, hoping to break the ice, or get her to crack a smile.

"No one died," _they were just assaulted_, she added silently to herself.

"Alright," he said, trying to figure out what was happening.

"Did you forget something today, Cal?" she asked, her face reddening slightly.

Cal swallowed and started to wonder. He knew it wasn't her birthday, it wasn't a holiday, they hadn't been together long enough to have an anniversary of any kind…

"Branch," she told him with pure annoyance, infuriated that he had completely forgotten about the meeting he'd set up.

Cal turned as if he was headed toward the Cube before she stopped him by saying, "He's been gone for over an hour."

He stopped in his tracks, turning slowly and walking back to her office while looking at the floor as walked toward her desk.

She had taken her sweater off again, and when Cal looked up, his face fell and he rushed to her side.

"What the bloody hell happened?" he asked as he reached out a hand to gently touch her arm.

She hissed and yanked her arm away from him when he grazed the now deep purple handprint around her left bicep, wincing at the after effects of his small touch. She brought her right hand up to shield her arm from him saying, "Don't."

"What happened?" Cal asked again, demanding an answer this time.

"I did the interview with Branch. He started asking some weird questions and by the time I had an idea of what was happening it was too late. He jumped across the table at me, knocked me over in my chair, and landed square on top of me with all his weight on my arm," she explained as she gestured to her bruise. She then asked the obvious question: "Where were you?"

He just starred at her and allowed his eyes to drop to her arm, feeling responsible and already knowing she was blaming him even if she hadn't said it yet.

"Cal!" she said angrily. "Where were you?"

"It doesn't matter," he said.

"It doesn't matter? It matters to me! You were supposed to be sitting next to me in that room. You would have seen this coming. I should have seen this coming, but my brain was stuck on you," she said as she pointed at him angrily. "I wasn't focused. If you had been there, I would have been, and even if I wasn't you certainly would have seen this coming." Her emotion was boiling over and she knew she needed to reel it in. Taking a deep breath, she allowed her mind to focus. Why wouldn't he tell her where he was? There were only so many reasons he would keep something from her…

"It's going to make me mad, isn't it?" she asked as she looked at her desk.

Not hearing a response, she drew her eyes to him just in time to catch a slight nod from him. She remained silent, telling herself not to speak again until he did.

After what felt like several minutes, Cal ran a hand through his hair and said, "I was helping Zoe pick a jury."

Gillian immediately stopped breathing, she straightened up, and she drew her lips into a thin line. Her heart started to race as thoughts started to flood her mind. She couldn't make sense of most of them, but the common denominator was _Zoe instead of me_.

Folding her hands, she leaned forward and put her elbows on her desk and rested her thumbs against her lips, her eyes quickly dancing over her desk as she searched for something to say.

Cal finally moved to sit across from her. Very afraid at the look on her face, he muttered to her, "I'm sorry."

At this, she snapped her eyes to him, starring him down. She could feel herself shaking as adrenaline pumped through her veins.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry you got hurt. I feel, and I know you hold me, responsible."

She unlaced her fingers and dropped her hands to her lap, feeling her anger drop slightly. _He never apologizes like that_, she thought.

"Come over after work. I'll make you dinner, and you can stay so you're not alone tonight," he offered.

"I'm a big girl. I'll be fine being alone," she replied.

"Don't make me beg. I feel bad, Gill. I wanna make it up to you," he said sincerely.

Feeling her resolve fading with each look at him, she ran her hands over her face and said, "Fine. But I want chocolate cake."

"Will that make it better?" Cal asked, teasing her.

"No," she said with a straight face, "I just want some chocolate cake."

"Fair enough," he said as he stood. He walked around her desk and kissed her on the head before heading to his own office.

Gillian sighed and rolled her eyes as he left, leaning back in her chair and wondering why she just agreed to spend the night with him.

###############

Lying in bed later that night after dinner and after Gillian repeatedly shooting down his advances toward make-up sex, Cal starred at the ceiling as he listened to Gillian breathe next to him. He'd been calling himself an ass and a bastard and a sorry ol' sod all evening, and that didn't change now as he sat awake, being wracked with guilt and unable to sleep.

He looked over at her. She'd fallen asleep on her side facing away from him; and she'd fallen asleep still slightly angry with him. She was right – the chocolate cake didn't make it better. He was just grateful Gillian had worn a long sleeved shirt and put up a pleasant front during dinner so he didn't have to explain to Emily what had happened. He was surprised she hadn't caught on. At least if she did, she certainly kept it to herself.

He heard his phone vibrate on the nightstand, interrupting his thoughts. He quickly grabbed it so it wouldn't wake Gillian and looked at the screen. _Just what I bloody fuckin' need!_, he thought as he saw who was calling. He debated ignoring the call, but knowing she'd just keep calling, he climbed out of bed and went downstairs, answering the call half-way down so it wouldn't go to voicemail.

"What do you want? It's 5 in the morning!" he told her.

"I am well aware of what time it is, Cal. I need you again," she told him.

"We finished pickin' your jury yesterday," Cal said, telling himself this could not happen.

"I know that," Zoe said, "but one of the people got sick. We need to pick an alternate and we're not going to have a lot of time, so I want to go over my options with you before I go in this morning."

"I already told you everything there is to know, Zoe," he said. Why couldn't he just say no?

"Please, Cal? I'll make coffee. This last jury member could make all the difference to my case!" She was begging now, and it was very irritating.

Looking at the clock and doing the math in his mind, he thought he should be able to get back home before Gillian was up. "Fine. Put the coffee on and have everything ready. I'll be there soon."

After hanging up his phone, he quietly got dressed and then snuck out of the house, praying he'd be home before Gillian got up.

* * *

Hope it was worth the wait!

How much drama do you guys want in this fic? I have one thing that I'm clearly working on now, but I also had something else in mind - this is the thing I referenced at the beginning where I said I was going to use something that already occurred in the show. I feel like it might be overkill... Anyone have thoughts?


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Ooooooohhhhhhh my word. It's been a LONG time since I've updated. Y'all may need to go back and read the previous chapter as a refresher. Let me know if you're still out there!

* * *

As she slowly woke up, Gillian reached next to her in search of a warm body. What she found was a cold, empty spot next to her. Opening her eyes, she frowned until she heard a noise downstairs and the smell of coffee reached her nose, causing her to smile. Climbing out of bed, she took Cal's robe from the back of his door and wrapped herself in it as she made her way downstairs. As she walked down the last of the steps, a grin encircled her lips.

"Morning!" Emily greeted her cheerfully.

"Good morning," Gillian replied as her smile faded to disappointment. "Have you seen your dad?"

"No," Emily said, "I thought he was still upstairs with you."

"No," she stated, wondering where he would have gone so early. "Um, I'm going to use your shower again, if you don't mind," she said as she attempted to pull herself from her thoughts.

"Go ahead, I don't mind at all," Emily replied while stirring her coffee. Then, looking up at Gillian she said, "Don't take this the wrong way but, when are you going to move some stuff in? Like I said, I really don't mind – it doesn't bother me at all – but it seems like you'd like to have some of your own stuff here."

Gillian looked at her, considering her words, and truthfully said, "I don't know."

"Well," Emily responded, not at all convinced that Gillian hadn't at least thought about it, "at the very least you should keep a bag in the car with how often you're here." She took a sip of the warm liquid, eyeing Gillian over her mug.

Gillian inhaled deeply and excused herself, saying, "I'm going to take that shower now."

She'd be lying to herself if she didn't admit it bothered her that Emily had broached this subject before Cal. She'd thought about it quite often, thinking how nice it would be to have her own pajamas there if she decided to spend the night. Not that she minded wearing Cal's clothes. She actually quite liked it, but having some of her own things and clothes there would make it feel more…homey…to her, less like she was a guest.

As she walked into Emily's bathroom, her mind wandered to Zoe and how she was the reason Cal was gone yesterday. She squinted at herself in the mirror, considering the possibility that she might again be the reason Cal was not where she had expected him to be. As her mind was reeling with possibilities, she heard Emily call up the stairs to her.

"See you, Gillian!"

She quickly stepped out of the bathroom and stood at the top of the stairs asking, "Hey, have you talked to your mom today?"

"No. Why?" Emily asked suspiciously as she narrowed her eyes, noting it was only 7AM.

"No reason," she replied as casually as possible. "Have a good day," she added with a smile.

"Thanks. You too," Emily said with a curious look on her face. After she closed the front door behind her, she grabbed her cell phone from her backpack and dialed her mom.

"Hello?" Zoe said as she fumbled for her phone, picking it up without looking at the display.

"Hi, Mom," she said, listening to the noise and muffled voices in the background.

"Oh, hi sweetheart! Is everything ok? Why are you calling so early?" Zoe rapidly asked.

"Everything is fine, I was just wondering if–" She abruptly stopped her question when she heard a very distinct voice in the background. "Are you with Dad?" she asked, disbelief and disgust dripping off her voice at the realization of where her dad had apparently spent the early hours of the morning.

"What? Oh. I–" Zoe started before Emily cut her off.

"Never mind. My ride is here. I have to go." She hung up the phone, looking back at the house as she climbed in Hannah's car. She swallowed, thinking how hurt Gillian was going to be when she found out.

"Are you ok?" Hannah asked, seeing Emily going slightly pale.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she lied. "Let's go."

###############

Cal knew he could forget about getting home on time. All he could hope to do was get to the office before Gillian did. Good thing he put on work clothes before leaving this morning. Pulling into the parking ramp he saw her car.

"Shit," he said out loud to himself.

He parked his car as quickly as possible and walked over to hers. The engine was still warm. Maybe she hadn't made it over to his office yet.

He ran up the back way, hoping to catch her on the way to his office. As the empty hallways lead him nearer to her office, his heart started to beat faster as his nerves lit up. He was caught, and he knew it.

Looking in her office, he saw she was settled in with her things put away and a cup of coffee on her desk. He knew she'd been there long enough that he couldn't make up a story about her just not seeing him.

"You sleep well?" he asked from her doorway.

Her eyes rose in his direction and she said, "I should ask you the same. Did you get any sleep?"

_She's fishin'_, he thought. "A little. Found it hard to sleep with you mad at me, and hurt 'cause of me."

She could feel her heart rising in her throat, and she knew this wasn't the place for the conversation that was coming, but she couldn't hold it in. She laid her hands flat on her desk and stood up saying, "Close the door."

He stepped in and closed the door behind him, looking at her like he had no idea what was coming.

She gave an irritated chuckle at the audacity of this man. "Why were you gone this morning?" As soon as he opened his mouth she added with a slight shake of her head, "And don't lie to me." Her heart was pounding and she tried to keep her breathing even as anger surged through her veins.

When he closed his mouth again without answering she said, "I needed you. Twice in the last 24 hours! And you weren't there for me either time. Where were you?" she slowly asked.

When he still didn't answer, the look on his face told her everything she needed to know and she drew her head back as she started to nod to herself, looking away from him and swallowing.

Finally he said, "Gillian, don't." He really didn't want to go there. Not right now. Not when she was so angry and not thinking straight; not when he knew she knew where he was; not when he couldn't come up with a good excuse…

"Don't," he repeated as he saw her clenching her jaw.

"You were with her again, weren't you?" she asked as she pulled her lips together tightly, keeping her eyes on the floor.

Again, he didn't answer; but maybe that was because she didn't give him much of a chance.

"Both _fucking_ times Cal!" she yelled as she pulled her eyes back up to his. "I was tackled and groped in the Cube because you weren't there for me when you were supposed to be. You were with Zoe," she added with fake amusement. "And when I just wanted you to be there with me, after _you_ offered, you left me again for her," she said with tears threatening her eyes. "I guess I know where I stand," she said more quietly. "Right below your ex-wife."

"Well you're one to talk!" As he walked across her office to stand next to her he finally found his voice, and he wasn't sure that was a good thing. "Little Miss 'I found a fit bloke at the shoe store'!"

Widening her eyes Gillian said, "Are you serious? So it's ok for you to leave in the middle of the night to go see your ex-wife, but you get an attitude when some kid at the shoe store makes a pass at me? That's what I call a double standard, Cal. Not to mention I don't have a history with this guy, and I didn't go there purposely seeking him out."

"But you were more than willing to tell me all about him, weren't you? And you took my daughter there," he spat at her as he stepped closer.

"Emily has nothing to do with this, and you know it! Do not change the subject," she warned him.

"Nothin' to do with it? She came home tellin' me I had to watch out for other men because someone was going to snatch you up," he said as he bared his teeth in anger, a bit of jealously flaring in his eyes.

Gillian could feel her blood boiling, and she'd had enough. He'd managed to turn this argument around and make it her fault. She found she had only one thing to add.

"If you think I would ever, _ever_ step outside of a relationship, _especially_ ours, I think we need to re-evaluate what we're doing," she told him quietly.

Completely taken back by her now soft tone, it took him a moment to speak. Finally speaking he said, "Gillian, I-"

"Get out of my office," she quietly cut him off while looking at the floor. When he didn't move she said with force, "Get out!"

Cal stared at her for a moment, not wanting to leave their argument like this; but seeing she was on the verge of screaming at him to leave, he put up his hands with his palms toward her, signaling he was giving up. He tipped his head to the side and took a quick scan of her face before turning to leave.

He closed the door behind him when he left, and he went straight to his office, also closing that door behind him. This one though, he closed quite loudly. It was a near slam that he was sure resonated through the office, the effect he was going for. It served two purposes – it allowed him to get out a small amount of anger and also served as a warning for people to stay away.

###############

As soon as he was gone Gillian slumped down in her chair. Turning so her back was facing the door, she brought her hands to her face and covered it while she steadied her breathing. Dropping her hands so they were in her lap, her mind finally caught up with her feelings.

_This isn't how it's supposed to go. Anything with Cal is going to be far from normal, but we shouldn't be fighting like this. Not so soon. Not over Zoe. Not when I don't even know if he loves me._

At this thought, she took in a shaky breath and circled her eyes on the window in front of her. She focused on a tree across the street.

_Maybe I shouldn't have told him about that kid at the store. Maybe that's why this all happened in the first place. Or maybe he really doesn't love me._

She closed her eyes and one white-hot tear ran down her cheek. She swallowed as she felt her heart fracture. She knew from past experiences this was the first step. It always started as a fracture that made her heart weaker, more susceptible to breaking.

With that, Gillian had one last thought.

_You _should_ be concerned that some guy is going to steal me away from you if you keep making me feel like this._

###############

Later that afternoon, Emily stopped by the office. She was too curious about what had happened that morning to wait until someone got home to find out what was going on. As she walked through the halls to Gillian's office, she noticed that everyone seemed to be on high alert. It was quieter than usual, and all the halls were empty. _That's not a good sign_, she thought.

"Hey, Gillian!" she said warmly as she walked in her office.

Looking up, genuinely happy to see her, she replied, "Hi, Emily."

Emily immediately noticed it looked like Gillian had been crying. "Is everything ok?" she asked, assuming Gillian had found out where her father had been.

"Oh yeah. Everything is fine," she lied.

Emily nodded her head, not believing a word she said. "So, are you coming over tonight?" she asked, noticing that Gillian sat up a little straighter when she asked.

"I, uhm, actually have a couple things to take care of at home tonight," she replied.

"Right," Emily said, not wanting to push the subject. "Well I'll see you later then."

"Yeah," was all Gillian said as Emily walked out the door. As soon as the she was gone, Gillian let the façade fall away and took in a deep breath, holding it for a moment before releasing it in an effort to pull herself together.

###############

Entering her dad's office, Emily asked, "What's going on with Gillian?" as she faked ignorance.

Glancing up at her before looking back at his computer, Cal said, "How should I know?"

Emily knit her brow together in disbelief and said, "Oh, I don't know. Maybe because she's your _girlfriend_," she stated with emphasis.

He looked up at her again, annoyed, and sat back in his chair. "Are you here to give me a lecture?" he asked.

Narrowing her eyes at him and walking up to his desk she asked, "Does this have to do with mom? Because she was acting really weird this morning when I called her."

"You know what Em, it's really none of your business," he said flatly.

"I think it is. The three main adults in my life are either acting really strange, like a complete jerk, or like she's had her heart broken," she said with frustration at her father's apparent apathy toward the situation.

Standing up and walking around his desk so he was very near her face he said with warning, "Did you just call me a complete jerk?"

"I'm just calling it like I see it, Dad. Something you taught me," she replied with a sassy look on her face.

"You keep that in check when it comes to me, you got it?" he said through almost-gritted teeth.

"Don't take out your anger on me!" she challenged him. "It's obvious _you_ did something wrong," she said while poking his chest. "Fix it," she added directly. "Gillian is the best thing that's happened to you in a long time. Don't screw that up," she said as she turned and walked toward the door. Stopping just before she walked out, she turned around and said while looking in his eyes, "You do know that, right?"

He looked up at her with his head hanging low, and nodded his head once with so little movement she almost didn't see it. He'd have to be blind, deaf, and an idiot to not know that Gillian was one of the two best things in his life.

Feeling convinced, Emily added one more thing before leaving. "You don't owe mom anything."

And with that she left, leaving him standing in the middle of his office with his head hung low, and feeling like the complete jerk he knew he was.

* * *

::sigh:: Oh Cal. You're such an ass!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I feel like this project has completely gotten away from me, and as a result I'm wrapping it up. I had more to include, but honestly it felt like overkill, so I'll be writing it as a one-shot later. This is the last installment, with a possible epilogue later. Enjoy!

* * *

Cal stayed late at the office, way past when everyone else had left. He just sat and thought. He tried to rationalize what he had said and done, tried to make it ok in his mind; but he knew he couldn't. There was nothing wrong with him helping Zoe; but there was something terribly wrong with leaving Gillian alone, twice, and choosing Zoe over her. As he mulled over the possible reasons why he would make the choices he had, he started to wonder if he was subconsciously trying to sabotage his relationship with Gillian. Emily was right – she was the best thing that had happened to him in a long time. So why was he making a habit of doing such stupid things?

He rubbed his temples, squinted his eyes, and spun around in his chair to look at the pictures on the table behind his desk. He glanced over photos of Emily, vacations, and the one of his fake dog, his eyes finally landing on one of Gillian. It was his favorite picture of her – she had a flirty, seductive glint in her eye and an innocent smile on her face. The way her hair fell across her forehead was perfection, and that dress… That dress had a beautiful neckline, and the color brought out the blush in her cheeks.

His stomach flipped uncomfortably and his heart sank while looking at that photo. His chest and jaw simultaneously tightened as he thought about her not being there when he got home tonight. He inhaled deeply and he held it until he thought he might pass out.

In that flicker of time as he balanced on the edge of consciousness and blackness, as stars began to flash and his world started to blur and sway, he acknowledged it – the hole in his heart, the pang in his chest, the clamminess of his palms. It came down to that same thing that he'd barely silently acknowledged to himself – he was terrified of losing her.

Exhaling the stale air and quickly drawing in a new breath, he realized he didn't feel any better. Yes, he had a little more clarity; but he definitely did not feel better.

Finally fully admitting it to himself, he made a quick exit of the building and headed for his vehicle.

###############

When Gillian walked in her home that evening, two things registered with her. The first was that it felt good to be in her own home. The second was that she almost immediately felt lonely. It was just so quiet.

She set her things down and headed toward the kitchen, noticing on the way that her end tables in the living room needed to be dusted. She got her cleaners out from under the kitchen sink and went back to the living room, wiping down every surface that had a speck of dust. When she was finished there, she headed to the bathroom and eventually made her way back to the kitchen. She knew she was trying to stay busy so the loneliness would stay at bay, and it was working so she kept cleaning.

She was finishing wiping out the sink when she heard an unmistakable knock at her door. Looking up at the clock, she saw she'd been cleaning for 2 hours. She set her rag on the counter and went to her front door. Opening it, she wasn't surprised to find Cal looking back at her. It really was a signature knock he had, just like his walk.

"You look like you've been busy," he stated, seeing that she was flushed and smelling cleaner as the aroma poured out of the house. "Lemony," he added as he raised his eyebrows.

"What do you want?" she asked, quite unimpressed at what he had to say so far.

"To come in, if you don't mind. Bet this place is cleaner than I've ever seen it before. That's not to say your home isn't usually clean…" He trailed off and quickly shuffled past her before she could close the door in his face.

She walked around him and back to the kitchen so she could wipe down her counters. As she started, she wondered why she would do that when she hadn't even made dinner yet. Her stomach growled and for the first time since she got home, she noticed that she was tired, hungry, in need of a shower, and wanted a cup of tea. However, instead of doing something like making food or tea that would encourage Cal to stay, she headed to her pantry to fetch the mop so she could clean the floor.

Seeing that she had no intention of slowing down simply because he'd shown up, Cal sat down at the counter, leaning over it, and waited for her to come back, drumming his fingers as his mind went over what he'd thought about in the car.

On his drive over, he'd come to the conclusion that as much as he wanted to think so, their fight wasn't about Zoe. It was about what Zoe represented. Gillian was just as afraid of losing him as he was afraid of losing her.

When Gillian came back, he smirked at her effort to keep her eyes away from his. He licked his lips, narrowed his eyes in her direction, and asked, "You know Zoe isn't gonna disappear from my life, right?"

Her eyes instantly snapped to his and she looked at him with disbelief, responding, "Yes, Cal, I am fully aware of that. She's the mother of your daughter. I'm not naïve enough to think she's going to just go away."

"So what's the problem then?" he asked easily.

"The problem? The problem is that you're putting her before me!" Gillian was talking at a half-yell now. "Did you not listen to anything I said earlier?" She was completely dumbfounded, and her eyes were wide with disbelief.

When he didn't respond, she let out a small, irritated laugh and added, "I can't believe you. You're doing exactly what you did earlier – giving me the silent treatment and turning this around so it's somehow my fault. How is this my fault? Tell me, Cal. What did I do? Because from what I can see, _you_ are the problem! You're the one being an egotistical, arrogant, self-involved, son of a bitch whose too damn proud to say what he's feeling!"

Not believing the words that just came out of her mouth, Gillian pressed her lips together and swallowed while turning her gaze to the floor.

Cal settled further onto the barstool he was sitting on. He raised his eyebrows and dropped his chin into his hand. "Well," he started, "you're certainly bein' honest about how you feel. Straight shootin', that was."

She looked up at him, and a part of her wanted to apologize for what she'd just said; but it was all true and justified, so instead she said quietly, "I just really need to know, Cal."

"Need to know what?" he inquired like he didn't know, his eyes imploring her to continue talking.

Gillian sighed and started mopping. He was the expert. He could figure it out for himself.

He dropped his hand that had been cradling his chin to the counter and started looking around. It was time for a new plan. He noticed her computer sitting near him and asked, "Oiy! Did you ever listen to that song?"

"What song?" she asked without taking her eyes off the floor, thoroughly annoyed at his nonchalant nature and sounding deflated.

"That Michael What's-His-Name song… 'Everything'," he stated, knowing full-well Michael's last name was Buble, but not wanting to sound like he cared enough to remember.

"No," she replied, "I never did."

Turning her computer toward him, he found it online and hit play, standing up from his seat and walking into the kitchen. When he got in her way, Gillian glared at him. He gently took the mop from her and set it in the corner as the lyrics started.

_You're a falling star, You're the get away car.  
__You're the line in the sand when I go too far.  
__You're the swimming pool on an August day.  
__And you're the perfect thing to say._

Stepping into her, he held her gaze, hope bubbling in his belly.

_And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.  
__Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.  
__Baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true.  
__Cause you can see it when I look at you._

She was still hard as stone, but she wanted to crumble. He could see it in her eyes. He took her hands and placed them on his shoulders before putting his hands on her waist and starting to sway, causing Gillian to roll her eyes and look over his shoulder, wanting nothing to do with this song, this dance, or him.

_And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times  
__It's you, it's you. You make me sing.  
__You're every line, you're every word, you're everything._

She did her best to ignore him, until he started to sing. She'd never heard him sing before, and she couldn't help but look at him from the corner of her eye.

_You're a carousel. You're a wishing well,  
__And you light me up when you ring my bell.  
__You're a mystery. You're from outer space.  
__You're every minute of my every day._

'Did he just call me an alien?' she wondered to herself. 'No wonder he's so ignorant…'

The next lines pulled her from her thoughts as she centered her gaze on him and had her resolve crumbling around her.

_And I can't believe that I'm your man,  
__And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.  
__Whatever comes our way, we'll see it through,  
__And you know that's what our love can do._

Cal stopped swaying and simply looked at her, praying she'd heard the words. The song was still playing in the background, but neither of them heard it anymore.

For a moment, they looked at each other, both waiting for the other to do or say something.

Gillian opened her mouth to speak, and Cal's heart nearly jumped out of his chest waiting for what she had to say.

"That's not good enough," she said, despite the feeling in her chest at hearing the word 'love' roll off his tongue as something more than a nickname.

Removing her hands from his shoulders, he held them in his own, not believing how much he'd missed her over the last 24 hours. He realized now that not being allowed to touch her for a whole day had just about done him in. He ran his thumbs over the back of her hands while he looked at them. Gillian tilted her head to the side in an effort to catch his eyes. She refused to say anything else until he spoke. She'd said plenty today. It was his turn.

When she finally caught his eyes, she looked at him with eager expectation. He got lost in her gaze for a moment as he thought of the words to express what he felt. He'd known all along this was what she needed. She was a psychologist after all. They are a people of words, not assumptions.

Steadying himself, he began slowly, "I can't breathe when you walk into the room. Everythin' around you goes out of focus and you're the only thing that makes sense. You're smile makes my heart stop. And when I touch you I feel more alive than any fight or gamblin' or near-death experience has ever made me feel. I feel like my life stops when you leave, and my world won't be right again until you come back. My days start and end with you, even when you're not there. And I can't tell you how much I hate that – I hate wakin' up without you Gil, and fallin' asleep without you. It's hard – it's hard to fall asleep when you're not there."

Lacing their fingers together on both hands, he pulled her as close to him as possible, leaving their noses an inch apart and their joined hands at their sides.

Gillian was still waiting. Everything Cal had said was doing wonders at melting her into a puddle of goo inside, but it still wasn't enough. Even as he put their foreheads together and ghosted his nose against hers causing her eyes to flutter shut, she refused to give in.

As if right on cue, Cal spoke up again.

"Gillian." Her name rolling off his tongue brought her closed eyes back to his. A ghost of a smile played on his lips as he knew their relationship was about to change yet again. "I love you."

Gillian's eyes starting darting back and forth between his eyes as she felt his hand move and heard him speak, his eyes never leaving hers.

He moved his hand out of hers… "I," …up to her bicep… "love," …up to her neck… "you."

He drew her into a sweet kiss that made her lips tingle and left her eyes closed long after he was finished. He took the opportunity to whisper it one more time, knowing it would make her open her eyes. "I love you."

Opening her eyes, she bit her bottom lip before a wide smile broke out across her lips.

"I love you. And I trust you. I know Zoe isn't going anywhere, and I don't care if you help her with cases. I guess… I guess I was just insecure. I didn't know how you felt about me. All I knew was that you weren't with me, when it seemed obvious that I needed and wanted you. And she was your wife. There's always going to be some level of love there. And that worried me."

Cal smiled at her honesty, wondering how it was possible to love one person so much, and said, "Darlin', you never need to worry. I'm not goin' anywhere."

Gillian pulled him into a long, loving kiss and before pulling away murmured against his lips, "I'm starving. You want something to eat?"

"Sure," he replied. "I've already got something picked out for dessert."

* * *

And there you have it! The end, my friends. Then end... Or maybe it's not. But for now it is. : D


End file.
